UNIVERSITY PARK, Pa. – Summer Brings Mixed Blessings For Many Grandparents: Extended Visits From The Grandchildren Can Be Both Joyful Times Of Bonding And Grueling Ordeals To Be Survived. A Penn State Cooperative Extension Intergenerational Specialist Explains That A Few Tips Can Help You -- And Them -- Cope And Actually Enjoy Your Time Together.

Summer vacations can mean extended time with grandchildren -- often without parents around to referee, says Andrea Bressler, family living extension educator based in Clearfield County. So "grands" are faced with challenges: will your parenting skills work with 21st century kids? Will you be too tired? Too boring?

"It's easy to feel that you have little in common with your grandchildren," says Bressler. "Today's world is so different from when you grew up that you may feel confused about what children enjoy – how do you keep them amused? How much discipline is too much? No one wants to be known as the boring grandparent, so what can you do to make them want to come visit?

"Some modern factors are definitely different, but the basic concepts of interacting with children remain the same," she says. "You should just remember a few important facts about your grandchildren in today's fast-paced world."

Bressler offers the following tips:

--Plan hands-on activities that don't require being quiet or listening. "Young children SHOULD be noisy; they learn by talking and working in a very active manner," she explains. "You can enjoy the quiet after their visit." Reserving ordinary tasks -- such as sorting laundry and washing the car -- for the kids can give them a physical outlet while saving you a few steps.

--Plan activities that stimulate more than one sense and include movement. "Unlike adults, young children become more tired by sitting than by movement," Bressler says. "They learn through using all of their senses, so let them be active -- you can rest up after their visit." For instance, hiking, berry picking and cooking s'mores over a campfire all allow children to be active.

--Don't expect children to be perfect. "Young children are beginners, so they learn from their mistakes," she says. "Don't expect them to be perfect. Be patient, give them time to learn from their mistakes and help them learn from repetition." Kids may forget some rules to board or card games, for instance, and your willingness to remind them while giving them space to learn at their own pace are important.

--Expect children to do as you do, not as you say. "Young children are observers who learn through watching you closely and modeling your behavior," she says. "Expect to hear your words coming from their mouths, and try to put off doing or watching anything that you don't want to see imitated."

--Plan creative activities that permit the child to feel successful. "Young children need to feel competent and capable – no one wants to always feel dependent and supervised," she says. "Learning to do something well helps a child to feel proud of his or her capabilities, and thus to feel better about their time spent with you." Creating simple recipes, picking and arranging flowers and coloring placemats all allow children to experience relative successes.

--Help children to experience other points of view. "This is something that grands bring special skills to because of their maturity," Bressler says. "Young children are egocentric and social, and they learn to experience other points of view through interaction with objects and people. So talk to them about your friendships, for instance -- use your language and modeling, and engage them in cooperative activities relating to your friends.

"They can learn mature perspectives the way that they learned childish perspectives: through personal interactions with mature people," Bressler says. "Feel free to invite a friend over for lunch, for instance. Children are flattered to be included in adult conversations."

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Writer-Editor: Gary AbdullahOffice 814-863-2719