UNIVERSITY PARK, Pa. -- Life isn't always a party. But, if you're a parent looking to foster closer ties between grandparents and their grandchildren, an expert in Penn State's College of Agricultural Sciences says you should play the role of gracious party host.

"With distant families, busy lives and other distractions, it's often hard for grandparents to build a deeper, lasting relationship with their grandchildren," says Matthew Kaplan, associate professor and intergenerational programs and extension aging specialist. "We want these relationships to develop 'naturally,' but the truth is that they need a little help -- a loving mutual relationship doesn't just happen.

"That's why it helps for parents and grandparents to work together in planning simple activities. It doesn't have to be anything contrived or complicated, but it can provide the catalyst for the interactions necessary for building an emotional connection that can benefit the entire family."

Kaplan suggests that parents can:

• Prepare the house for grandparent visits by leaving objects around the house that are likely to stimulate interaction: a favorite book that grandparents can read to children or an award received by the child to prompt accolades and conversation on how it was won.

• Emphasize the family identity by planning activities that define family character and reinforce family pride. Examples of such activities include creating a family scrapbook and cooking a meal from a family recipe.

• Encourage e-mail communication -- Internet studies report that one of the key motivators for older adults to learn to use computers is the desire to stay in touch with grandchildren. One way to facilitate e-mail interest and practice is to leave an unfinished message on the computer screen that is addressed to another relative with whom grandchild and grandparent have a relationship. Ask them for their help in finishing and sending the letter.

• Be the "host with the most" -- Parents who seek to promote closer ties between their children and adult parents should see themselves in the role of party hosts, who bring people together and lay out some activity ideas and discussion topics, but leave it up to the participants to figure out how to have a good time.

"We're always looking to plan the activity that brings parents and children together in engaging ways," Kaplan says. "But, when trying to build child-grandparent relationships, sometimes the best thing a parent can do is to get out of the way. A good party host isn't really controlling. Activities can be planned, but a relationship between grandparents and grandchildren has to happen on their terms; it isn't something that can be readily orchestrated or managed."

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EDITORS: Contact Matthew Kaplan at 814-863-7871.

Contact: Gary Abdullah gxa2@psu.edu 814-863-2708 814-865-1068 fax #197